Monday, January 19, 2009

Gym Capers: Way to stronger teeth

Nowadays, I feel like Salman Khan. Not that I immensely worried about upcoming Chinkara trial dates or whether Katrina Kaif is having eyes for Ranbir. I am going to the gym regularly and fulfilled my dream of doing bench presses. This is definitely the year when all of my dreams might come true, which is making me a worried man. I am worried about spending money on new clothes for my evening out with Deepika Padukone. I am also worried that I might kill somebody due to all the weight training I am doing.

a. The real gym addicts would die of laughter when they see the weight which I put on the bar for the bench press (It is thin air, if you want to know). Atmospheric pressure is not light.
b. Or, I might drop the bar on the lady doing leg lifts nearby
c. Or, the leg lift lady would kill me or the gym instructor 
Lady after doing 15 leg lifts: “Aur kitna karna hain” (How much more to do). 
Gym Instructor in a loud voice: “Madam, Aur 3 round karo, Thighs kam karna hain na” (Madam, Do 3 more rounds, you want to reduce your thighs right). As you might be aware it is dangerous to stare at the thighs (thinning or otherwise). 

Gym also helps you to become good at Math. Not only you learn to count calories you intake but also the one you spend. Many of you must have noticed the “not only – but also” combination. Thanks to Wren and Martin, this is the one of the five grammar rules I know and use regularly. I was always enamored by the Wren and Martin. It was the first fat academic book I started reading. It never failed to impress my parents. I spent most of my time reading the comprehension stories at the end of the book and guys writing complaint letters. 

I have figured out that making coffee consumes the most amount of calories. It beats doing laundry, putting clothes to dry, dusting, etc. This is because I make the coffee. My favorite come back that you do not help around the house has been to mop the sweat of the forehead and remark “But, I make coffee”. 

I have already started day dreaming of doing celebrity endorsements once I complete 300 days of going to the gym. The issue is that only the following companies come to the apartment for advertising; Kaya skin clinic, Mimo (For mothers and mothers to be), Manipal Dental clinic and Strawberry clothes. 

I cannot do Kaya Skin Clinic because it is sure that the only skin which has a visible glow is my thinning scalp. Radhika will definitely put multiple bolts on the door after pushing me out, for endorsing Mimo. Imagine pointing to a pregnant lady and saying “Try mimo, it worked”. I once bought a phone which was strawberry red in color and quickly got multiple propositions from guys with bulging biceps. I quickly decided strawberries do not agree with me as I do not want to feel like Boy George in a prison.

Of all the avenues available, I will do the Manipal because it would match with my post gym personality. My teeth would be infinitely stronger after 300 days of crunching them while trying to lift the gym mats. It is definitely in me to look confidently in to the camera and say –
We will make your tooth brighter and you wallet 250 rupees lighter
If you suffer from after-effects of seeing thinning thighs, do not despair
We will reset your jaw, without a flaw

If the above does not rhyme well, bring on the Wren and Martin. I am sure to lift it fifteen times at a go once I complete my resolution.

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