Monday, December 27, 2010

Words and Meanings

Words are the very essence of life. It has always been my plan to hone the craft of writing them and make money out of it.

I listen to words very carefully, especially when I have broken my commitment of getting the wires from Wii and PS3 fixed for the 227th time. My choice in the matter is limited. I always listen to my wife.

Every time I promise, I really mean to do it. However, something critical happens at that time like Mortgage crisis or Wikileaks. This leads to serious study of situation and discussion with other experts. I want to be prepared just in case Secretary Clinton or Reserve Bank Governor calls me for advice. I should confess that it is not only the news cycle which keeps me busy but also there is an occasional Sheela ki Jawani for distraction.

Words take a life of their own and assume new meanings. This is a short summary of words with old and new meanings. I actually wanted to write “Time and Memory Challenged” instead of “old” but then..............I forgot.

Old: Please take this tablets thrice a day after food. See me after a week in case you still have money in your insurance
New: My tablet is really sensitive to touch. I need to caress it for some time before the screen brightens up.

Old: I always have liked you. I never knew that I like you that way ;-).
New: In case you are enthused by the millionth photo of Eiffel Tower on Facebook, please press the like button.

Old: You need to share your toys with your friend or else I will not buy any more new ones.
New: I just landed in airport. It might not be earth shattering but would like to share it on Twitter. Hopefully twenty folks at the airport might read it and give me a standing ovation for eating the airline food without fuss.

Old: I want hot coffee.
New: I want Brazilian coffee of 2007 vintage roasted to 160 degrees centigrade. Grounded by a motor rotating at 2000 rpm. Brewed at 7 AM in the morning. With skimmed mild by the side with a dash of vanilla in a tall glass please.

Old: I cannot come to work and increase shareholder value for next couple of days because I am suffering from a viral infection
New: Susan Boyle

Old: Mankind, meant Personkind (to include all the genders) have spent lifetimes in the eternal search of meaning of life. It took us a Hitchhikers guide to galaxy to find out that it is 42.
New: To the consternation of Yahoo and Microsoft, it is Google.

I can go on but need to fix those wires or else I would be grounded. Wait the phone is ringing. By the sound of it, I think it is Wen Jiabao wanting to figure out the currency valuation of Yuan. It is a tough choice but the one which has to be made. I think I will listen to my wife one more time. 

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Cult Fiction

When I was between jobs, one of the career options I had before me was to start a Cult. The basic structure of the Cult is the same everywhere. Here is a non exhaustive list I made:

  • Smile enigmatically.
  • Get a contract signed before hand with all the cult followers.
  • Speak with pregnant pauses (and also ensure that only pauses are pregnant).
  •  Make sure that private retiring quarters are not spy-cam friendly.
  • Acquire new wheels. If you do not have the money, do not worry, banks are more than willing to finance cult leaders. Apparently they are more successful than  technology start-ups.
  • Have levels. It is important for your followers to feel that they have are progressing spiritually.
  • Keep a lecture ready. If you do not have here is a starter one.
The Myth of Inner Happiness
My fellow Universal beings, who keep asking “what’s up” and also are in the eternal quest of happiness; Today I am going to talk about the myth. The myth of inner happiness. 

Happiness is as elusive as the wind which caresses your face or as sure as the facebook poke. You have been told that the happiness lies within yourself. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you have been told a lie.
Your happiness depends on the external world and how you react to it. One month back, my ashram accountant told me that our cash balance has fallen below a billion dollars. 

I opened my arms
And stretched it far and wide
Asked for Alms
Came in Dollars, Rupees, Yens, Euros and even a helicopter ride
When faced with penury
I did not wallow in pity
There in lies the moral of story

Seriously, Happiness belongs to those who seek it. My mantra for happiness is as follows
  • Always be in the company of people who laugh and make others laugh
  • Surround yourselves with photos and memorabilia of family, friends
  • Love
Happiness is not just with in you. It is easier if you get it to work for you. Create an environment which makes you happy; A family dinner, friendly conversation, run in the woods, well done report in time, crossed off to do lists, filed papers, reading good books, watching a play, holding hands while walking, generosity.
So children, your inner self is dependent on the environment you create for yourself.   

Draw a circle around you and fill it with happy friends, happy books, happy plays and movies and see your inner world becoming happy.

I would like to quote my guru, Douglas Adams in the seminal book The hitchhikers guide to galaxy
to answer the supreme question
What’s up
I do not know, I have never been there
Be happy and make me and my accountant happy either through cash or credit cards. Love to you all.

Ps:- Please check out Gretchen Rubin blog on happiness.