Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Bag it

Bag, Borrow or Steal is not a philosophy but could be the cure to world debt. They rent out luxury bags. This has beneficial impact on credit card bills and longevity of cattle. It is having a negative impact on Taxidermists though. They are now losing sleep over it because they use to count bags out of sheep before.

There are 18 varieties of bags as per Wikipedia and all of them come with an option of an impoverished partner. There is even a type of handbag creatively called “Half Moon”. You do not have to hold your breath to know the reason. Apparently, It is half-moon shaped.  Armstrong who took a small step because NASA could only afford a smaller size shoe was asked to comment on it.  He is known to have said “I cannot be sure, even though I have seen the moon from close quarters”. Pardon him, like all men he cannot even distinguish between purple and violet. Shape is just a whole different matter.

The fashion rule keeps on changing on the poor bag bearer. It swings from the trend of the bag matching any color on the dress or even neighbor’s dress  to an absolute contrast like Purple to Violet.

A bag is an important part of persona. It does not matter if it is Coach or Burberry as it contains pieces of history. For this very reason there is a museum for bags; The Tassen Musesum of bags and purses. Please do visit them because you will be supporting the poor insomniac taxidermists employed by them.

A typical bag contains the photographs of the owner and their loved ones right from the time they were just a print out from the Sonogram machine. The bags have historical artifacts such as the stubs of movies made by Dada Phalke. No wonder they deserve a museum.

Restaurant receipts are also stored lovingly in the bag because they have huge sentimental value (This is where I got proposed or this is where we decided to use the same toothbrush to save money to buy this bag). They also invariably contain more than 250 shades of lipstick. Some of them might be just the container to show the make-up counter person the color code.

Without any doubt all bags have medical stuff right from Aspirin to sophisticated MRI Scanner. It is no wonder that guys are not known to fake a headache.

It is a fair guess but Gulpanag’s might have a surface to surface missile in her bag which she shoots while riding her bike at any person who overtakes her from the wrong side.  If you do that, your relatives could read her tweet about you being blown away.

In Japan all bags worth its zipper has a pouch for carrying trash. This sentence does sticks out like a sore thumb but how else I can point out to the reader that I have spent seven years in Japan.

My wife Radhika takes a bag to the gym which contains essential supplies required in case of a nuclear war or a call for a KJO movie screen test and also another bag. This bag is for segregating the dirty clothes after the work out lest they tell adult jokes to the water bottle.

Statutory warning to end the blog: Please do not write about your wife’s handbag in a public forum unless you are an expert in operating the MRI machine. I am all set to enroll myself in the course.

Post Script: As an intelligent reader, you would have noticed that I have never alluded to the gender of the bag bearer anywhere. Celibacy does lead to nonsexist practices.

Monday, February 18, 2013

The Inner Solitude of a Long Distance Runner

I have been running for last 14 years and have run two Marathons and 18 halves till date. In the first glance, it seems crazy to run a Marathon which is a distance of 42.195 KM. It seems absolutely hopping mad when legend has that the first recorded instance of running the Marathon ended in a grave. Apparently the Greek messenger blurted out “We Won” before collapsing.

Long distance running like any other sport requires investment in time and money. Time is inelastic and is a zero sum game. The time spent on the feet hitting the pavement or trail is the one which got traded with time with family or even deep sleep. Hence it is not surprising that I am plagued with questions for subjecting my body to sweat and elevated heart rate for more than five and half hours. Here is my honest attempt to answer them:

Runners High: Constant Aerobic Exercise like running produces Endorphins. Endorphins results in runners high. Once you get hooked it is difficult to turn back.

Nature Connect: My favorites are nature running trails among towering Eucalyptus trees and aged Bamboo shoots. The herbal scent and creaking bamboos fills the senses and mind with indescribable peace. The scurrying squirrels, chirping birds and the falling leaves connects the runner to a deeper calling.

Inner Solitude: The rhythmic repetitive pounding of the feet translates to inner calm and balance. The world suddenly starts to look perfect. I forgive the driver who had cut me off wrongly and I forgive myself for feeling angry at him. It is a Micchami Dukkadam moment.

Walter Mitty: Running with Music makes me a Walter Mitty. It is the floo powder which takes me in to my favorite fantasies of having invested in Google when it was a fledgling startup, writing a bestselling novel, crooning melodies to awestruck audiences. So what, If I am tone deaf but in my mind there has been countless gold labels to my credit. Every weekend, I regularly solve the debt crisis, world hunger and write meaningful commentaries on purpose of life. Only PG rated stuff is mentioned here obviously.

Reputation: It could be a continuation of my Walter Mittiness, but I believe that my reputation is that “He might not look dashing but he certainly can last the distance”.

Strength: Running contributes to tremendous growth of mental toughness and ‘can do’ attitude. Crossing the finishing line feels NEW even though it has been done countless times before. It stands for ‘not giving up’ when it was easier to do so.

Camaraderie: Solitude does not mean I run alone but it is an achieved state of mind. I run with my best buddies. We regale ourselves with juvenile and off color jokes, continuously pull each other legs and break idlis or dosas together. We find inner reserves to run faster or longer to be together.

On a wine tour in Monterey, the guide told a motley bunch of tourist including me “My dream is to die in my favorite chair with a glass of wine in my hand”. Mine is to blurt out “I did it” while crossing the finishing line of a Marathon and the family watching with pride.