Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Bag it


Bag, Borrow or Steal is not a philosophy but could be the cure to world debt. They rent out luxury bags. This has beneficial impact on credit card bills and longevity of cattle. It is having a negative impact on Taxidermists though. They are now losing sleep over it because they use to count bags out of sheep before.

There are 18 varieties of bags as per Wikipedia and all of them come with an option of an impoverished partner. There is even a type of handbag creatively called “Half Moon”. You do not have to hold your breath to know the reason. Apparently, It is half-moon shaped.  Armstrong who took a small step because NASA could only afford a smaller size shoe was asked to comment on it.  He is known to have said “I cannot be sure, even though I have seen the moon from close quarters”. Pardon him, like all men he cannot even distinguish between purple and violet. Shape is just a whole different matter.

The fashion rule keeps on changing on the poor bag bearer. It swings from the trend of the bag matching any color on the dress or even neighbor’s dress  to an absolute contrast like Purple to Violet.

A bag is an important part of persona. It does not matter if it is Coach or Burberry as it contains pieces of history. For this very reason there is a museum for bags; The Tassen Musesum of bags and purses. Please do visit them because you will be supporting the poor insomniac taxidermists employed by them.

A typical bag contains the photographs of the owner and their loved ones right from the time they were just a print out from the Sonogram machine. The bags have historical artifacts such as the stubs of movies made by Dada Phalke. No wonder they deserve a museum.

Restaurant receipts are also stored lovingly in the bag because they have huge sentimental value (This is where I got proposed or this is where we decided to use the same toothbrush to save money to buy this bag). They also invariably contain more than 250 shades of lipstick. Some of them might be just the container to show the make-up counter person the color code.

Without any doubt all bags have medical stuff right from Aspirin to sophisticated MRI Scanner. It is no wonder that guys are not known to fake a headache.

It is a fair guess but Gulpanag’s might have a surface to surface missile in her bag which she shoots while riding her bike at any person who overtakes her from the wrong side.  If you do that, your relatives could read her tweet about you being blown away.

In Japan all bags worth its zipper has a pouch for carrying trash. This sentence does sticks out like a sore thumb but how else I can point out to the reader that I have spent seven years in Japan.

My wife Radhika takes a bag to the gym which contains essential supplies required in case of a nuclear war or a call for a KJO movie screen test and also another bag. This bag is for segregating the dirty clothes after the work out lest they tell adult jokes to the water bottle.

Statutory warning to end the blog: Please do not write about your wife’s handbag in a public forum unless you are an expert in operating the MRI machine. I am all set to enroll myself in the course.

Post Script: As an intelligent reader, you would have noticed that I have never alluded to the gender of the bag bearer anywhere. Celibacy does lead to nonsexist practices.

8 comments:

  1. Brilliant writing Jay. Speaks volumes about your sense of humor,economy of expression and the innate ability to keep the reader engrossed. Keep them coming. You brought a smile on my face and it is still lingering.
    -Sai

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    1. Thanks Sam for stopping by and really kind words. Glad to make you smile:) which was the intent.

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  2. A very nicely written article. I love your sense of humor, and even though I am a woman I totally agree with you on the contents of what women carry in the bag. However, the bit I really liked was the bit about the bags in Japan. I hope no Indian takes to this concept or we will be carrying really humongous bags around - considering the amount of garbage we generate.
    -Asha Rao

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    1. Thanks, Asha for your comment :). Keep visiting my blog.

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  3. Nice writing Jay! Enjoyed reading.

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  4. Nice read, Anna... Wonder why don't you write more often.

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  5. Haha.. I am reading this only now.. You have gained a lot of experience with bags over the years, I see.. And also seemed to have mastered the MRI machine! Enjoyed reading this Jai-ji. You should write blogs more often. :)

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