Friday, May 8, 2009

Figured it out: Do not play jeopardy at home

I am sure that figures less than 10 catch people’s attention. It is the reason one comes across multiple pieces dispensing knowledge. The texts in blue are my thoughts while reading such pieces.

6 ways to get the job you wanted: It does not work if you want to be a male lead in a Priyanka Chopra movie. It did not work for AB Baby or John Abraham either. They got the movie part but only each other.
8 ways to make money (Even) in this stock market: Forget that the stock market exists and invest in bank deposits.
5 ways to make her tell “Yes” when she is telling “No”: You gotta be kidding. There is only one yes person in my house. I am not going let go of the job which I always wanted and the only one I have now.

In order to prove that I am not anti-establishment, here are my 2 ways to beat Recession.
You need to be a very rich person and in the market to buy a private Island. As this news report “For sale: tropical islands at recession-friendly prices” suggests that you can buy an Island at 50% discount. Hold your breath; not because you will be snorkeling but it is the same Island, Julia Roberts wanted to buy. This way you can sail away to your private Island and be out of reach of any recession. The additional advantage is that you can declare yourself as a separate country and print your own money with Julia Roberts on them. However I were you, I will take 2 precautions
a. Check the gas tank of the chopper for any stones
b. Print one or two denomination of money notes with the spouse’s picture also

You might say “But nobody is damaging my chopper because I do not have one and henceI am a good candidate for getting caught in recession”. It is for you the adage “A stitch in time saves nine” was written. You can ask what to stitch and what nine things it can save. All I can say 9 is less than 10 and it rhymes with time. As far as the stitch in time for you, to beat the recession is by marrying a rich person. If you are already married and your poor spouse really believes in “Till death do us apart” then you do not have any recourse.

Actually you have one; you can watch and emulate jeopardy. I am not talking about Double Jeopardy where the husband frames the wife for his own murder and then the wife seeks revenge by actually killing him. I am talking about the game show where the contestants are given an answer and they have to guess the question.

If your wife walks in a beautiful dress and then you blurt out “How big you look in the dress”. I promise you that your wife will not practice double jeopardy; she will kill you once for all. As far as I checked, Recession does not touch the dead.


  1. never tell your wife she looks big....if you want to live long

    never ask a woman what she wants...(coz she doesnt know it herself !!!)(it's my version of an ad of a famous diamond jewellery store)

    It may take men a million yrs to master the "art of complimenting women"

  2. Gazal, that is why diamond always wins because it takes million years to get made.