It is a three letter word which ends with X and I dread it a lot. As most of my readers are solid middle class citizens with strong family values, the first word which comes to their mind when they read the sentence is Tax. They are right. If you thought about some other word, Sorry dude, check out this Movie “Reader”.
In my (almost) forty years of existence, I am trying to figure out the utility of Taxes which is to provide jobs to tax consultants. I have a tax consultant even though I do not have any income at this moment. Let us call him Raghu because that is what his name is. I always check with him on tax related stuff.
Me: I keep listening to the ads which says bring all your junk and pick up a refrigerator at Big Bazaar. So do I have to pay any capital gains taxes for the exchange?
Raghu: You loser and you are late as usual. I went there and they gave me a nice earthen pot. They are out of it now.
The other utility of taxes which I read in my Son’s book is that Government uses it build roads, bridges and underpasses. I am glad that my tax money is working real hard in Bangalore. The roads and underpasses are perpetually under construction. I look at the pothole near my home and feel really guilty about not studying during my school days. I would have then paid my taxes in time and the Government would have filled the pothole.
Ideally speaking the Government should have incentive schemes; either to get folks to read their civic books during their school days or get them to pay taxes in time. The scheme would go like this. The citizens get to choose their favorite pothole and indicate it in their tax returns. When they fill the pothole, we can go and leave our hand imprint, like they do in Hollywood.
I have figured out that that the best way to make money is become a tax and life counselor myself. I have added the life part because I do not know anything about taxes. I do not know anything about life either, but hopefully I can hoodwink my clients. So I hung up a board and was in business and this is what happened.
Me: How often do you pay tax?
Client: Once a week
Me: Why it is not more often?
Client: I am getting old and cannot do it anymore. It is also all the Cess which we undergo in technology industry.
Me: How do you know that you are undergoing Cess?
Client: Times of India says so. Don’t you read the paper?
Me: As a responsible tax counselor, I go directly to the last page to check out whether Pamela is happy with her current asset situation. Have you discussed this with your Partner?
Client: The priest said that we were joined in holy matrimony but did not talk about joint accounts. By the way why it is called tax returns?
Me: Beats me, my tax has never returned.
Client: That is a nice small pot out there. How did you get it?
Me: They give it exchange at Big Bazaar for all the used tooth paste tubes.
Client: Really, but why is there a hole in it?
Me: The Government is yet to fill it.
So if you want to be immortal, send some money to me. On second thoughts, you can send lots of money too. I will fill the pothole on your behalf and name it after you. I will do it sometime during the next 3 financial years which would be faster than the Government. Now I need to go and brush my teeth as Radhika wanted one more pot at home.