Tuesday, March 31, 2009

But, it is Emotional Attyachar

Emotions lead to questions. I am sure this is what researchers have found out and are prompting the producer to increase the emotional quotient of reality shows. The participant would have just sung his heart out and the host would ask “Do you think this performance would fulfill the dream of your neighbor’s dead great grandmother?” The participant then would discreetly wipe away the tear and say “Not only her dreams but her dog’s too”.

Personally I am wary of questions especially the ones asked by you know who (This is my Harry Potter hang over). There are 2 questions I actually dread; how do I look in this dress and how many drinks did you have. Of course, I do the great mumbling trick. I try mumbling in a very soothing manner looking for cues like “I think I will wear the green one, you did like it the last time”. This is the time to jump in and say “But babe, you look good in any dress”. Do not try this at home as I have been professionally trained on this one. It is dangerous to start any sentence with But especially when you are commenting on a dress.

For the second question on how many drinks did you have to drink. The tactic is to say two and immediately change the topic “Remember we used talk for at least two hours when we were going out”. Needless to say do not try this at home too. It has never worked.

The other kind of questions which I love is the TV presenter asking very insightful question such as “So you have won the Oscar, How do you feel?”

Obviously they are expecting an answer like this “The credit definitely goes to my Kindergarten teacher whose rendition of Ringa Ringa Roses was the inspiration. I feel awful winning the Oscar as I will have to share royalty with her. Is this being transmitted live?”

“Yes Sir”

“By the way when I did the song shut up and bounce, I did not expect the producer to take it very seriously. The payments have been bouncing. Bharat Bhai, please pick up my phone at least. It has been only ringa ringa”

As you can see I watch TV Shows under influence. However I love reality shows because of SMS voting. I own Bharti Airtel stocks and the only way the #@&* stock would go up is when you send multitude of SMS.

I am waiting to see the day when judges in reality show come to studio in their bath towel. It is not part of my adolescent fantasy but more of a recent one :-).

TV Host: Today, India has answered the most important question facing the nation today, what will the judge wear? Bharat Bhai for you India has decided that you will wear striped PJ and Vest.

Bharat Bhai: This is not fair. How many people have voted?

TV Host: Only one, and the SMS reads "this is for the bounces cheques".

So folks, please send those SMS using your Airtel moble, if you do not want me to end in a bath towel. I am not a pretty sight, my six packs are not yet ready. I need to go and put on the TV as my neigbours’ great grandmother is getting restless in the grave.


  1. Thanks, Jishad. Do you stay in BM or Japan?

  2. Jai.... this one is as amazing as others..u r really cool...

  3. Thank you bridges to silence and road to peace.

  4. If you are planning to make an appearance in a towel...there's a talent show in BM.Am sure there are no enteries in this category.

  5. Gaz, That is a noble thought. I would do it if it can be assured that we will have only honest and STRAIGHT folks in the audience.