Monday, April 6, 2009

Fame; Name of the game

I am quite a popular person, especially among the pharmacist community in Canada. The connection could be attributed to my Chemistry major in the University. I get scores of mails from them wanting to sell prescription drugs. The top of the list is the one which rhymes with Niagara. They send these mails which sounds like preamble in a Philosophy book. A typical mail would read –

The gust of wind sways the heart.
We ship anywhere at no extra cost.

My friend thinks that it is to beat the spam filters. I would have agreed with him if I had not known better. The pharmacists on the Canadian Internet have figured out that mind has to be in peace first before the body responds. I read the same magazine as they do – Cosmopolitan. All you alpha males can laugh, but I read the magazine for current affairs. The one that features Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Mallika Sherawat and Abhishek Bachchan.

Most of the articles written to rekindle the passion in the Magazine talks about going to an uncluttered room with a whiff of incense or nice perfume and then whisper sweet nothings to each other. Radhika and I read this article and decided to implement it. We are at the first stage of un-cluttering (not a real English word as per MS Word) the room. The only thing is that it is going on for the past 3 years. Radhika wants to throw away my precious scrap paper collection which has large number of telephone numbers, most of them without names. She has clearly told that there will be nothing sweet to whisper till we get around this imbroglio. I tried emotionally blackmailing her that it will have a negative impact on the Canadian Pharmacy Industry, but to no avail.

The other set of folks I am popular with are women. I did not believe it myself, till they started sending intimate picture of themselves. Some of them want me to marry them also.

As my blog is read by solid middle class citizens with great values, I cannot reproduce the picture or the emails here. My theory is that that they know I am going to very famous in future and want me to sign the pictures and send it back to them. Next time folks, please send your mailing address in a self stamped envelope. I am a struggling writer and cannot afford stamps.

I am sure the tales of impending fame and current level of stamp impoverishment has reached Africa too. The thing I like about these folks that they are way better than publishers. The publishers want to see a book outline typed on pages with one inch margin on both sides with no spelling or grammatical mistakes. The way I want is; they hand over the 20,000 dollar cheque without bothering about mundane things like actually writing the book. It is season for big advances. Mr. Ramachandra Guha – The person who wrote the awesome book “India after Gandhi” got a 200,000 USD advance for his new books. 10% seems reasonable. I can throw in a discount for Cosmopolitan though.

These friends who are in Africa want to share millions of dollars with me. All I have to do is write an email (not a book) to them saying I am game. Unfortunately for me and my Nigerian friend, Radhika wants me to earn the money by actually writing the book. As I do not have any book idea, my fervent plea to my fans in Canada is that, please do not send me a one line philosophical quote. It is difficult to develop a book with a single line. The wind doth sways my heart, but the pen requires more inspiration.


  1. why dont u make a book out of all the mails about viagra...ooops niagra. it will make for a great read.

  2. Freeunion, that is the reason I am collecting all the mails.