Sunday, February 8, 2009

Spice up your bedroom moves

I am a left brained person at least that is what I think. This has been found scientifically by taking a cosmopolitan quiz which went like this. Take a spoon and gently tap your left side of your head and then your right side. Rate the sound you hear on a scale of 1 to 10 and multiply with how many times you spoke with your husband in the last week. My score was zero as I do not have a husband. I had to call up the helpline after going through an interactive voice response system for 12 days, the helpline person told me that husband can be substituted for partner. It is then I remembered that I got one word side ways in the last six months with my partner. The result is that my right brain is non existent and my left brain is the size of a pea.

Cosmopolitan is full of surprises. I told Radhika to read an article with a screaming headline “Spice up your bedroom with 12 moves which will floor him”. After a week our bedroom was spiced up with bright bed sheets, curtains and 12 other items and of course I was really floored by the credit card bill.

As a left brained person, my approach to all problems is sequential. It is proven fact that persons with sequential thinking can only cook one thing – Water. Folks who are little bit more parallel in their thinking can do Maggi Noodles. It becomes a challenge when Radhika goes away to her in-laws place during summer. Irrespective of the culture or the age of the women, they become epitome of compliance in the presence of in-laws. The good thing is that I can happily keep the coffee mug unattended and with out any support. They spring legs and carry themselves to the sink instead of me carrying them.

The only way to over come the challenge of cooking during Radhika’s absence is talking to her on the phone. It is the time, I finish my quota of talking to her for the year. Talking quotas are very important. Here is the proof.

Radhika: We do not talk any more.

Me: It is not true; remember we spoke for 15 whole minutes when I made Sambar the last June

Radhika: Ah, yes

We live happily till the next summer vacation.

My instructions on the phone call goes like this. Wash the potato with water and cut in to pieces roughly the sizes 2 cm by 2 cm. At this moment, I will drop every thing and raid my son’s cupboard for a scale. You can understand the reason that the potato curry gets made in roughly 3 days. I had to order industrial grade thermometer because I burnt our normal one making Sambar. The other things used are multiple watches. All items which are being cooked has a watch by its side. If my wife or the recipe book says, cook it for 7 minutes then 7 minutes it is.

If you know the editor of cosmopolitan, let her know that I have managed to spice up my kitchen with my moves by sprinkling turmeric and chilly powder on the floor and can write an article – Get your husband to spice up the kitchen floor.


  1. A piece of friendly advice to be happy....

    never follow recipe books and wife's to the last word...

    all the best !!!!

  2. Hi Gazal, never follow wife's word, that is sure shot way of turning single.

  3. Funny as usual.
    As an accountant, I am used to cooking (numbers, that is) for a long time now. However, have picked up the scientart (both a science and an art) of cooking food lately.
    Btw, I once made sambar with potatoes cut 2.1cm by 2.05cm, and they tasted terrible. Now I know why, should have cut them 2cm by 2cm. Thank you.

  4. Hey Sal, Kitchen is fine, but what about the Bedroom measurements (definitely mean the curtains :-)